I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Your penis caused this!
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