And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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