i barfeds in our rink
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
