dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize