I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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