My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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