She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
