i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
