I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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