Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.