I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.