In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
