I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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