I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
