You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
