woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
