i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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