He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
