can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
