i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
