I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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