It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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