i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i love accidental penises.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
