I puked a lego.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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