I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
