So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
