i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
