you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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