i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
