Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize