It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
