The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
