i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
