I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
