amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
