Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
