and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
