my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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