we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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