Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
