3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize