you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
