You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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