I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
