you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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