He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
