Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
