i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
