you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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