oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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