i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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