You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
