Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
