You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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