dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I came so hard my ears popped.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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