i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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