his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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