There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My ass is underappreciated
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
