do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
