How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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