He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
