it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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