Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
