Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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