I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize