Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
