remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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