here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
