i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
