Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
