It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
