My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
